A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just invented taco cereal.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
