i jhust puked up my retainher.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
