My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
