apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
