Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
