A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
