and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize