Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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