just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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