Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
