I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
