3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
