if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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