Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
