oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
