how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
