White coat. Heels.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
