it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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