I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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