my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
