mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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