he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize