I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
