Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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