Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
