I feel like abortions should bother me more
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
