How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
