You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize