So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
