i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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