you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
