Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
