I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
