I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
