i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
