Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
