Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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