Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
