I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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