Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
