lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
