Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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