i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
