Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
