i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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