Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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