There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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