Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize