2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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