I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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