Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it's great music for shaving your balls
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Everclear isn't food dammit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
