I hate your face
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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