Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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