Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
