i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
