I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
