i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
