I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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