You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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