My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
