I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize