Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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